Day 2 - Trust

I've being doing Belle's mantra of 'don't try harder, do something different' and its made me very ponderish.

I think trust is my biggest issue. Trust.

Five small letter. Which amount to, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve these folks being nice, I don't deserve anything.

Tell no one.

Trust no one.

Or maybe trust some folks. Like Belle and you sober lovely lot, I'm listening to her new book. She's asked me to write a list of some things as an exercise.

Day 1 what to expect when you're newly sober {subtext here for me is that even though you've had about a gazzilions of times, try something new}. I need to remind myself of a few things.

Ten things to write down

1 - They way I drink has affected my
{motivation}
2 - And my
{relationship with my family and friends}
3 - And my
{well being}
4 - The way I drink has caused problems with
{inner self and my happiness}
5 - And with
{my general focus}
6- Its made me feel
{lonely}
{unworthy}
7- I nearly had a disaster when
{?mine are too raw and cringeworthy for here}
8 - And this was just about a disaster too
{?see above}
9 - I'm tired of waking up feeling like
{I don't deserve any better}
10 - People who will be relieved when I'm sober
{me}
{family}
{sober friends}
{anyone else who knows me.........?}

I did however speak to my other half today and say, you know I'd had the occasional glass of wine, well I think its noodling with my head. I'm in a funny place.

{deep sighs and breaths here}

His reply. I had thought it odd you'd even consider the odd glass when it doesn't seem to make you be very nice to yourself. Maybe its time to just leave it.

Trust.

And we have people for dinner tonight, ironic in the extreme I pick this week to start over. Or not, life goes on. I took advice I'd had previously and messaged ahead to say, no booze here we've only juice - that's all fine with them they said.

A little less to stress about.