Day 68 - Frustration and the flibertygibbert

My favourite half done thing here, pencil that only writes sweary stuff.

So I'm struggling with a few things right now and especially today. I can't decide if this is because I'm out of work, or out of drinking or what. Maybe its my natural flibertygibbert let loose. I'm the queen of the unfinishers, princess of not got time for's, lady-sorry-I'm-just-too-busy-to-sit-still.

I'm a list maker, I'm a busy person, I'm naturally a fidget. I'm an epic procrastinaor and a control freak all at the same time. Half my house is unpacked, half my work is undone, half done girl that's me.  I'd hoped that most of that was my remedy/reaction to drinking and that it would stop. But the fretting anxiety, procrastination, fidget is still very much here.

I start something then stop it mid way and start something else. I start the bubble hour, start cleaning, start wandering off to far then stop listening as I can't sit still for 56 whole minutes, no danger. I read up on spider veins, I wonder about getting treatment for them, I read the liver trust page about cirrhosis, I wonder if I have that,  I fill up the log basket, I mop down the floor, I pick up a brush, I abandon all hope of sitting to listen to anything and then get something else started. 

A sober body on the inside, not necessarily learnt the art of focus yet.

I have no inner calm, or enough tape to glue my ass to a chair for five minutes.

Half done Daisy that's what they should call me. Flibertygibertypants.

I'm finding myself more frustrating than I have in years. I'm annoyed at myself so much at the moment. Everyday its getting worse. I probably need to focus more but I don't know how.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day. I might write a small list and try and stick to it.

It will start with no drinking today.