Day 108 - Defrag-ing and homework

I've been sleeping. And, I mean sleeping. I get up and I want to sleep. Its like some kind of post illness deadness or fatigue that makes my body limp and my head unable to lift itself from the pillow very successfully. I'm not ill. But, I'm so tired. I'm wondering if I'm slowly defragmenting my old booze brain for a new streamlined sober one. Maybe eh? Maybe all the bits that have been mished up all over my brain are starting to realign. Well I hope so. It could just be that mid January blues/laziness that gets many of us.

We got set some homework for my group session tomorrow. Its got me all muddled up as well. Its quite a simple exercise you'd think. It goes like this.

1. What do you want for your future?
2. What am I doing now?
3. How do I feel about what I'm doing now?

What could I do differently to help me get what I want?
How would changing what I do or getting what I want make me feel?

Now I could say a killer job, or a new house but I've heavily drank in both of those. So I just don't know.

The only thing in my head is that I just want to be happy.

Just that.

Happy inside.

I could say closer to my family, but we're pretty close (my family, not my extended parental family).
I could say health, I'm pretty healthy and I know I'm lucky.
I could say love, but I have that surrounding me. I want that to be nutured so I know I have to work at that, but I know I'm lucky I have that now.

So I'm sitting here (yes under the duvet because I still seem to be defragging) wondering what on earth I can put in my homework boxes.

What do I want for my future aside to be sober? That's all I can think about right now. How do I see past this? Or don't I? Maybe its my path to happiness inside. Abstaining seems to be the way to keep that momentum up. And I feel life and thinking about it, I'm bloody tired about all of it right now.

Really tired. Dog tired.

I'm on a multi-vitamin, which ran out last week and I only got them again a few days ago. Is that the issue has my inner workings been sent slowly to sleep by my lack of vitamins? Or is being sober just hard work? It shouldn't be I've not really thought about wine for a couple of days.

Regarding happiness from the inside, I'd be interested to hear anything people would suggest giving a try. I'm thinking of going back to yoga, if I can get my sorry head off the pillow. I've been looking at my diet, (its not bad, if rather abundant!) and I'm looking at ways to get myself engaged with life again. Perhaps a wee job? A bit of exercise and some increasing sober experiences under my belt. Like the holiday next week. A sober holiday.

So what would you put for your homework?

1. What do you want for your future?
2. What am I doing now?
3. How do I feel about what I'm doing now?

What could I do differently to help me get what I want?
How would changing what I do or getting what I want make me feel?

For now I'm working on my brain defragmentation and hoping it doesn't take too long. I'm off to my therapy session soon.

I found this article on 12 exercises happy, successful people practice every day here.  Here's an extract from the article which has really resonated with me. As I seem to be spinning in circles, sober circles, but circles nevertheless.

From the link above by MARC CHERNOFF

12 Rituals Happy, Successful People Practice Every Day

No 12.  Ask yourself the right questions.

Voltaire once said, “Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”  This is such sound advice, because if you keep asking yourself the wrong questions, you will never get an answer you like.

What questions are you asking yourself?  Are they helping you better understand your purpose?  Or do they have your mind spinning in circles?

Truth be told, the questions you’re regularly exposed to act as guideposts that have a powerful influence on the direction of your life.  And, not surprisingly, the questions you hear most often come directly from YOU.  So instead of looking outside yourself for answers, start asking yourself the right questions.  For instance…

• “Who am I?”
• “What do I need?”
• “How do I function best?”
• “What do I have to give?”
• “What’s the next step I can take right now?”

It’s all about self-inquiries that help you stay true to your principles, pursue your desires, grow through adversity, and add value to the world around you.  (Angel and I cover hundreds of important life questions as a theme that radiates through every chapter of our book, 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)