So like I said a while back, I took on advice to change my routine, and maybe I took this too far? I'm still camped out in the lounge on the sofa bed, like a slobby teenager. Yesterday I didn't get up until gone 12pm, there are some luxuries of working from home. And yet, its Wednesday and out of my 7 hours work, I've maybe done an hour. Old habits are hard to break.
I've no intention of moving back through into my bedroom just yet, I'm still in October so I'm still staging a sober yourself up, sitting room sleep in. Aside the folks at the weekend, this living space has been alcohol free. My gullet has been alcohol free. That's surprising. As if there were a queen of the wine in Scotland, the fastest dash to the bottle (s), it would be me. Not this month. Not today. And, today is all I can really think about.
I'm still nearly two stone over weight, well one stone if you count my natural 'chubbiness' does wine put the pounds on your belly and out of your pocket all at the same time, it seems so.
Alcohol and the snacking, inactivity adds the pounds like applying butter to your thighs. Although the wine pounds I fear don't want to slip off my thighs so readily. I need to start to think about my diet, I've always been quite a healthy eater, I tell myself. But, after wine, I snack on carb-rich crap late at night so the pounds have been piling on. Its a bit like money spent on additional stuff to hide the wine. The food gets shoveled in late on in the evening to counteract the wine I think.
And, I'm tired and grumpy, low and down. Some folks on the forums have suggested vitamins so I'm looking into that. Any tips out there. I've also counted my woe-ful attempts at 'healthy eating'. Whilst you and I know chocolate is derived from a bean, it is not one of our five a day. I counted a measly half a banana, tablespoon of peas, one mandarin yesterday. Not cool. Today it needs to be increased. I'm really struggling with low mood, I think I'm naturally quite prone to wild ups and desperate downs. I'd like to even that out a bit if I can.
I filled in the GP registration form today, and wrote 60+ units on the 'do you drink'. I wrote the truth. I'll hand them in later and if they don't pick up on it, I'll be pointing it out. I also picked up leaflets for a local drugs and alcohol advisory service, will I ring, will I email, I hope I do. I'm new here, I don't know anyone, I can't bump into anyone I know, there's never been a better time for me to actually go and seek some in the flesh help. Nag me please. And, I picked up a 'self help to low moods' brochure. And, one for the local leisure services.
I must not just bin these. I know only I can change me. But, I know I'm still at the thinking stage. And, I'm reading so much. I'm convinced that moderation isn't for me, I've a really unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but I'm not sure how I process that. So I'm just taking care of today and thinking about taking care of me. Who am I, without the wine?
So for now, I'm still staging a John-and-Yoko with my dear husband, on the sofa bed in the living room. I pack it up everyday, I'm not that much of a slob.
Sober girl, trying to look at life and say, OK where do I start. A list of all the things I've put off might be good, as might be one of all the things I can do to keep me busy. Its not like the house doesn't need cleaned.
Sober Mum, my daughter is still pretty cold towards me, whether that's just perceived or real, I'm feeling it. I sent her another message yesterday to talk soon, we're supposed to talk every week but she's always an excuse..........I'm stubborn enough to keep nagging. :D
Sober Wife, he asked me last night how the non-wine stuff was going. Told him its hard to change habits you've got stuck into. You'll get there, he said. Hope so, I mumbled from the sleepy nook of the sofabed.
I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.
