Day 7 & 8 The Weekend madness

I ask myself for a woman who works (7 hours a week is work right?) why on earth are the weekends harder when it comes to 'not drinking'. Its not like the days are any different when you're new in town and have no [outside the house] job. Anyway dear hearts we clattered through it like a petulant child. We had baths and ate for Scotland. I bought myself some plants. OK so I'm broke, seriously broke, so my credit card bought me some plants. Less than I would have put on the card all week for wine, but somehow that's different. I've also been cleaning. The worktops, the kitchen etc. Its madness.

OK, so less with the moaning, yes I'm sleeping better (once I can actually get to sleep), who knew husbands could breath so loudly. Not me, I usually zonk out due to wine. Although drinking water late, not so great for waking you up early doors but no paracetamol this week. Note to self must see a Dr, or at least find one this week.

I got pretty stressed over the weekend about others mis-using my time, in fact I actually got quite angry about it, two days almost 'lost' through a lack of focus and direction.

That's my time your stealing, time stealer.

So I'm lummoxing between, argh there's too much time and, don't steal my time dude. As always I'm nothing if erratic about things.

I took one 'no shame here' trip to the recycling point today in the village, our glass recycling is communal so normally its a wee sneak out. But today, one bottle (from dinner last weekend, last time I drank folks) and one jar. No shame here.

Its been a hard week, I know drinking is bad for me but am I ready to give up forever? I dunno. Last night I got agitated, so I started cleaning and my head was doing this stupid monologue.

'Just drink'
'I'm cross, I might'
'Just drink, it can't hurt, its the last day of the weekend, you deserve a drink, you've been soooooooooo good. It can't hurt'.
'I know'
'Just one bottle wine, you could drink one of his special ones'
'I might'
'You could pop out and buy a bottle' [its 8pm]
'I might, Belle says she can wait a week, but I might go and get one'
'Why not, your time's been robbed this weekend, get some wine, relax'.
'I might, I could just have one, I never said I'd give up forever'.
'Why not, you deserve it no one will know, why do they have to, normal folks drink on the weekend'
'Im working tomorrow, might not be a great idea but who cares and I'll know'
'Why not, no one has to know'
'Well there is his cider in the fridge, one of them won't hurt. I just want one drink, that's not the same as getting drunk'
'You could but you prefer wine, you'd need at least two ciders to make you nice and relaxed'.
'I don't want cider and I don't want to drink his special wine.'
'Go get some'
'No, its late, I cant' be bothered going out, leave me alone I'm grumpy'.
[Silence]

That's the sound of the weekend madness. So I cleaned the sitting room, like a deep (ish) clean between 7-8pm at night, like a lunatic. Weekend madness.

All the while I'm eating like a beast. At this rate I'll not fit through doorways to be able to get any wine soon. More cleaning, less eating.

I'm a stone heavier than when I got married last year. Sometime soon, send jaw wire. I need to shift this weight as my trousers are held up by an elastic band, like when I was pregnant. What is it with the need to eat/drink sugary stuff? I was hoping for a willowy, dropped off the weight cos I've stopped the wine, figure by now, its been a week.......sigh, longer. Oh ok,

No kid action over the weekend, but hardly surprising as I saw them both on Thursday. They're good, I did message both, so we'll talk early in the week.

This weekend, sober [grumpy] girl, sober mum, sober wife.

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