Doing things differently

Thank you all for your kind words and replies yesterday. I really have been so touched by you all.

I tried so hard to fight the sober/drinking urges yesterday and even asked to drink a few times, but faithful husband gave me the look. {you're insane} the eye {not on my watch} and the eyebrow stare with 

Second look {not a chance, it won't make anything better, in fact it's mad}

So we did indeed make it to bed sober. 

So that was different. We also talked. We talked a lot. He's hurting, a lot. The physical effects for me are manageable but his pain seems intense. Would I have noticed if I switched myself into a bottle and shut off? Probably not. My poor me blanket woulda have been over my head and my ears full of Wolfie.

I trawled the Internet for ideas. Something drew me to our winter hideaway. It's the last week of the winter ski season soon. Apartments are cheap and flights pennies. So I planted the seed. Some time away would help to heal us both. 

Today he's booked us a trip away. Just us. We need it. Now I'm not suggesting escaping everyday life is always the answer but right now we two need to escape, try something different.

Whilst I know I'm not up to any real type of activity, but warm Sunshine, good food and just space and time away to reconnect, talk and heal will help. It will help us both. He's recharged by mountains, it will help.

Being sober helps us both too. Doing it differently not shutting off into a bottle of

Merlot.

He's even packed my case. Suddenly we seem like a team again not two separate souls wondering how to deal with our hurt alone. He's sorting maps and bits and bobs, he's distracted for now that's helpful. 

And, for once I'm not half listening topping up my glass feeling like he doesn't understand. For once I'm present. I'm not hiding.

Sober is hard, it's raw, but life is too. Life hurts. Sometimes like stink but then you spy a new flower in the garden and see life beginning again. Just like it always does. Slowly.

Thanks for listening again. I know hormones will drop and blackness might suck me bare but this sober way seems more real. 

Day 192 for me. The loves at living sober and my wee orange box remains my go to and check in too. For all you sober lovelies I do thank you for being there, hands out, in the dark and the light.

Night night lovelies.