Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Day 165 - In the now

So hello again, from a very remiss sober girl. Working suits me, but it leaves little time for much else in life. I do wonder how I worked so hard and drank so much, these days it takes me all my time to do much after I've come home except flop, eat, bath, sleep. Imagine doing this with a hangover. Erm, no thanks. Truth is though whilst I'm enjoying work, I'm missing posting and some real sober time. So I try and get my 'sober fix' throughout the day even if I can't touch base in cyber-sober-land as much as I'd like. The only email address I have registered to my phone is my sober one, so I can take time to read posts (although not comment) in the ground of where I work. Under this particular tree. So each day I take my 15 minutes over lunch and sit and catch up on sober land. Silent sober stalker if you like, unable to comment but to read and I feel like I've recharged my sober batteries. So I reach out in my own sober silent way. 

Slow and steady seems to be winning the race big time at the moment. That's new. Patience and knowing that I've only got a certain amount to give. And I'm grateful I've found patience and realise there's only so much of me I can give before I feel overwhelmed. So that's a kind of progress, the realisation that I have limits in order to keep me steady and sober.

I got some news this week (sorry I can't share just yet) which sent me into full panic/turmoil/crazy head mode. You know the kind where you head feels like a washing machine and you toss around every single combination of good/bad/crazy/amazing/scary/brilliant stuff in your head. What if its good, what if its bad. It was overwhelming. It didnt' make me want to drink, but I know overwhelm is a big trigger for many of us.




Its exhausting. Mid panic  I emailed a sober chum, not to say, help.  I don't really have any urges right now, not today, not this week. But - eek, I have news, what if I can't cope with this whatever the outcome. Her response. 

Live in the now. Stay in today. Wise words. {Thank you lovely}

And then of course I read Prim's brilliant post this week. Just you arguing with life very timely.

So whilst I'm stressing about this that and the other, I know a few things to be true. Sober friends are solid and they tell you what's best for you, always. I'm grateful for that, so grateful.

So I'm staying in today. Because really I can't do much else. So I'll turn the negative 'What if's' around and think to myself, stay here and now and if I do catch myself thinking........maybe I should do it positively. Positive and Sober, what would be possible.

I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.


  1. Hi Daisy!
    I got all the way done!
    My guess is you are stronger than you think.
    So whatever the new, you will be able to deal with it.
    Sometimes, I have to tell myself, All Will Be Well.
    I like your boots under the tree!
    Hugs From

    1. Thank you Wendy. All will be well is a good motto. Thanks again.

  2. Staying in Today...that's all we can really do, and that is a sober victory! Lori K xx

  3. Can you teach me some of that patience you got going on? ;) xx

    1. Hmm I'll throw you some of my shoddy version, hope its better for you than it has been for me. Thinking patience and being patient, two different experiences.

  4. Oh my darling, what if you fly?
    You have NO earthly idea how much that spoke to me. Please keep posting.

  5. aha - a woman who shares not only my taste in glamorous footwear, but also in Erin Hanson quotes! I shared that one on my blog a little while back, with a photo that now makes me think of you on your beaches, which is rather appropriate... here if you'd like to see it.... . I'd forgotten about it so thank you for the reminder today!

    some rather lengthy thoughts for you - to read under your tree maybe?!

    firstly that one of the many cruel things about being a drinker is that it carefully instills in us the expectation that if we try - we will FAIL. fail at moderating, at cutting down, at being there for our families (ouch ouch ouch sorry if this touches a nerve for you too). so we try something new and unprecedented - sobriety, almost with the expectation, certainly in my case, that if we can't do moderation then surely we won't be able to do sobriety either? but look - we CAN. we can DO this sober malarkey. YOU can FLY! so if we can do sobriety - we can use that as our touchstone for any other thing that faces us. because if you can manage sobriety - not only can you fly - you can be in the bloody Red Arrows mate, leaving pointless but absurdly heart-lifting vapour trails over half the Home Counties...

    secondly on the being in the moment - sorry, can't remember if you have one of Belle's Stay Here bracelets? if not I heartily recommend, or some equivalent that you can invest with the same message. there's something quite ridiculously powerful about a physical talisman, that you can touch to bring you back into the moment. because today is all we ever have to deal with. sometimes just the next hour, minute or even second. and we can DO that - see above ;)

    so glad if the arguing post helped! lots of love to you dear Daisy! Prim xxx

    1. Prim, as always and for everything, thank you. I've been pondering your post and the thing about failing. In my head I'm always working on the 'when it fails plan'.

      Maybe thats a slow thing to shift?

      I dont' have a belle bracelet but I'm seriously hovering over the buy now button.

      Just do it already I hear you shout.


      Hugs and plenty of them.xx

  6. Hi Daisy! I so relate to your blog. I too am professional Mum in my 40s who drank more than a bottle of wine a day for 20 years! I gave up 19 days ago and am writing a blog to keep me sane. I'd love you to take a look: and thanks!