Am here. And sober. Although Wolfie is trying to make me invisible.
The urge to isolate and self soothe with booze is so strong in our heads sometimes isn't it? It's still where
I am. Belles audio this week on friends hit a chord. If its (sober) just too hard, up the self care, up the treats, repeat, repeat, repeat.
So instead of drinking, this sober girl of few words polished the table and put sober flowers in a beer Tankard. Let me tell you polishing does not come easy to me. So things must be bad if I've turned to cleaning as a distraction.
It's been an oddly triggery week or two,
Lots of self worth conversations, in my head, mainly. And whilst I know I'm not alone, something inside of me is trying to keep me isolated. I'm incredibly 'urge-y' at the mo, but guess that's cos I'm in month one again. Which is a bit bugger-ish. I had kittens about applying for a job (too stupid) which has really unsettled me, the route of these feelings is something that perplexes me and equally terrifies me. I've thought about therapy again but, if I'm honest, that's a whole
Can of worms I'm not ready for yet. Ironically I've got an interview for the job I deemed myself too stupid for.
I seem to have dumped myself into a vat of overwhelm at the moment. Wallowing in it. It's almost like I'm trying to self
Sabotage. Like really, how old am
I? Take some responsibility girl!
Talked about a lot of this with a sober chum (thank you for not letting me hide) and at my SMART group today. Must write more about that later. Loads of new folks at the group today, some sober, some day 1, all kind and helpful.
So, today has been about sharing and self care. Treats newly in the cupboards and trying to keep working through my inner craziness. (Mind on my outer craziness remains intact). And I must connect more with the sober community.
It's essential for my long term happiness.
Kids are home soon for a while (couple weeks) whilst I'm excited, I'm nervous.
So nervous in fact I bought a bench for my garden. I've told myself if it all gets too much indoors, it's my sober bench in my sober garden to escape too.
Sober, screwdriver girl I will be later. If urges strike, I'll be ready, sober toolkit in my sticky, muddy mitt. Sober bench to build. That should put a smile on my face shouldn't it?
And for the record, no two glasses of wine 21 days ago were not worth this crazy head. But we know where we are in this journey so it's helpful to understand it gets better!
Someone shove a pink cloud over please. Doesn't have to be large.
Happy thoughts folks.