Friday, 5 June 2015

Turning a corner

Hey here I am, strikes a wave, smiles a bit and says hello. I'm out of my funk. And, I've turned a corner. With myself, with some of my friends and with my family I think. Mainly I think this is all in my head but I do 'feel' different.

I'm touched by the reaching out I've had and will reply to each comment soon, I promise. My work/life/home balance isn't' great at the moment. Some of this is me, some of this is those around me, some of this is work and some of it is just the time of year and life. My online/real life balance has been seriously knocked, so I've mainly had a computer holiday. It seemed the only way to go forward and not get overwhelmed. And, overwhelm for me seems to be drinking. But, that being said, I do feel like I've turned a bit of a sober corner. More about that later......

Funny that today then, having made room in the crazy life of children arriving back from uni (car loads of stuff, how many boxes have I shifted??) I managed to make room for my SMART meeting, which I'd missed last week due to family stuff too. I really wanted to go and for once I moved non-essentials to allow me to get there. It was worh the trip.

We looked at life balance today and had a chat about it all. I have to say as much as I enjoy SMART there are a few thing they do with the way they phrase things that could be better. Or maybe just my inner-layman prefers easy words. So we did this.......to try and see where our lives were balanced (or not)! And, for me in the midst of juggling several family balls and work, life balance was the perfect topic for me.

The Three Column Technique.

TO DO: What I have to do (work for money, chores cooking etc) (Smart calls this Practical)
COULD DO: What I do to improve me (self help, college, self improvement, educate or challenge me) (Smart calls this Purposeful)
SHOULD DO: What do I do for fun. (Things to relax and have fun, with myself or family or both) (Smart calls this Pleasurable)

So you write these three at the top of a page or a white board and think about what you do for each. Generally I think the emphasis in life for many of us is on the chores and we do a bit from the other two columns. Sometimes the third column lacks the most the fun part. So ideally its about looking at what you're doing in each part of your life and trying to get more balance.

Interestingly I use to do the first two almost 24 hours a day, inbetween a bit of the last column which was always drinking. Which lead to the chores/work being sloppy and the drinking being the only pleasure in my life. I felt like I deserved it, I worked SO HARD. But, that also meant the wine kicked in and my brain went bye-bye and nothing was constructively done at home. I really did work hard, but I didn't really give it my all.

Make sense?

I found it an interesting exercise. I know my balance still isn't right, but I'm getting there, sort of, somehow. Or at the very least I know its not quite there yet, and I know it needs work.

So, this corner I turned. I went and got brave and got an opportunity to tell my best drinking buddy who was staying last week. And, to be fair I was dreading her coming. She's a drinking thurst as big as my own. Or that's how I perceive it. So I was dreading her arrival. I am trying to work on 'acceptance' that if she wants to drink in my house, whilst I can make a lot of noise, I can either accept that she does or really fall out about her not coming with booze. We're booze heads that's what we do.
But, here's the thing. I didn't ask her not to bring booze but she didn't. She brought delish juice.

RESULT.

I had immense guilts over the weekend of 'punishing her' by not allowing her to drink. But, I rid it out and talked to my husband about it. He said, if it bothers you, tell her. If she's your friend, she'll understand.

Later in the weekend, we were talking about stress and accepting the things we can't change. I think the phrase 'if you can't change it, you can change your reaction to it' came out. We're both having to work at our lives and our self esteem. Her issues are different but a bit similar to mine. Anyways, long and short of this tale is that I said, 'asking you not to drink really stressed me out, but I know right now I can't have booze in my life'. Her reply was simple and sweet she said she loved coming and it was a bit of a holiday for her liver being with me. She didn't mind staying and not drinking (I don't know if this is kindness or just that her drinking voice isn't as bad as I thought it was).

So you see, a bit of a corner.

In the meantime I'm going to really look at my work/life/fun balance and see if I can't fathom how to have my online and real life in a bit more balance too.

Thank you so much for reading and posting and mailing, I'm sorry if I'm slow but I'm trying to get a balance!

I would have been 8 months sober today if I hadn't drank on my birthday, but I'm in the 37 days on my living sober little counter. And that's OK.  I learnt a lot about 'just the one' and how it mangles your sober head, so onwards for me!

Hugs, sober love and light.


14 comments:

  1. So glad to hear from you.
    You are doing great. We miss you when you aren't around.

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    1. Aw thank you Anne! I miss you all too.

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  2. Hi Daisy,
    Lovely to have you back. You are doing so well. Congrats on 37 days.
    A x

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  3. Dear Daisy,
    I am so glad you are back, too!
    My life seems to be out of balance in a different way, as I have too much time on my hands. So I am looking at balancing by the week, if that makes sense.
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. I was like that last year, and balancing by the week or the day is grand.

      Now I've written that, it seems so much more sensible to just work day by day at the moment.

      Hmm, now where have I heard that before.

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  4. I love that image so true :) 37 days - top drawer but you are still 8 months sober in my head ;) xx

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    1. I'm both I think, its good to know the short term challenges whilst seeing the long term bigger picture IYSWIM :) xx

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  5. Lovely to read your post as always. 8 months. Fantastic! I've failed once more and am trying to get back on track. I stopped blogging as I feel like such a failure but it really did help so today I am determined to get back on there x

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  6. I found success with giving up wine, when I allowed myself more of the "pleasurable" treats in life. Instead of trying to give up drinking AND clean my house AND eat healthily AND exercise AND focus more on work AND AND AND, I gave myself a bit of a break. I still had to work, sure, and we needed clean dishes and clothes every so often, but if nothing else got done, then nothing else got done! I ate ice cream, and went to bed early, and watched TV shows on Netflix. My priority was abstaining, and if that meant spoiling myself in other ways, then OK. Now I'm getting to the purposeful and the practical, now I've been sober long enough to trust myself. lots of love to you Daisy, glad you are OK, glad you've turned that sober corner. Do xx

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    1. Thank you Do I really appreciate what you've written.

      Hugs to you xx

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