Just the quickest of quicks from me. I'm working extra these next two months, and have an interview next week. Lots of busy buttons being pushed. But, mindful I need to step back and say - hold on there, sober girl here, needing some space. I'm learning. Man its a slow process. Although I did say to one contract I'm working on, I can't start before 10am and I can't work on Saturdays, so at least I've a while each morning for me and a weekend day (at least one) for family life.
I'm trying to be a bit more open with my husband, so at least I can say I'm sorting one thing out on my sober to do list. And I'm reading lots of sober blogs on my phone, with not a hope of commenting, I found if I download them into email before I leave for work, I can at least read them in situ, which lets me read but not reply. Its a help though.
Finding sober balance isn't easy. My 'wolfie voice' seems now to appear during celebrations, when previous he kept is midderings to sad/angry and lonely times. I guess he's just keeping up with my life momentum. So I'm trying to make sure, when the voice slips in to say, 'wow that's amazing, have a drink, you deserve it', I try to hear instead, 'wow that's amazing why not posion yourself now with some booze'.
I guess that's me trying to reframe the voice in my head.
In the mean while my sober garden is taking lots of my early evening time which was often my 'witching hour'. I'm sitting right beside those bricks I took so long to lay and form my new area, in my sober garden.
And this week I managed to finish painting my fence, bit by bit, even the bits you couldn't see. I don't think its taught me patience, only that a wall, sometime in the future would need less fussing and do the same job. I NEED A WALL!!!!
Looking at bits of life which sap my energy, which aren't really much fun or use and how to make things easier for myself. I guess that's a lot like being sober. Time to start to think about how to make things easier for myself in all sorts of ways.
And, we ate a takeaway mid week amid the chaos, and to my amazement, no one died because I didn't cook everything that day from scratch. I also didn't hoover, again, no deaths here from dust inhalation. The kitchen is messy, the laundry sort of done. And, for now, that's just fine. The dogs have had one walk a day rather than three and their legs don't appear to be any longer either. They seem just fine. Everyone is just fine with average rather than ta-dah, I can do ALL OF THIS, I'm fecking amazing.
I'm learning the world doesn't collapse if I can't make it pretty and perfect. And, I'm still amazing!
Who knew. Certainly not me.
Happy Sober Day folks.