Saturday, 24 January 2015

My sober week

So how can I find myself writing another post about another sober week. Sometimes they seem to come by so quickly. This week's been OK, no drinking, a bit of reflection and some sober self care. A trip to the city to see my daughter and a chance to remind myself that whilst I don't often dip into city driving, I can do it. I just prefer not too. Whizzing around at a million miles an hour doesn't really suit me but I can do it. Its nice to be reminded of old lives, in cities and how we prefer things now. A bit like being sober, we prefer that, we prefer that to drinking and the chaos it causes to our heads and our family so we stay sober. Less paranoid.
This week has seen me walking in new places. Tide far in, I've taken different paths and enjoyed new views. I'm trying to keep active whilst my body is in a sloth like state of semi-permanent sleep, I must wake it. I imposed a sort of reboot-rehab at home in October this year and I've not wandered far from its safety.  I'm tired, I'm tired all the time. Lots of thinking, a bit like 'defrag-ing' a computer, I'm feeling like I'm in sober life reboot.
I think its time to take a few new views. And start stretching my sober a bit, from its cosy bed. Who knows what I might find.
Same skies, different views. Looking out towards the future.
I'm noticing, slowly that the self-care side of my sober is something that's quite high in my consciousness at the moment. I'm very keen to make sure that I, this person here, is taken care of. And looked after well. So after my therapy session I found myself driving down towards the local wee fishing port in search of, I wasn't sure what, a cup of tea? A wee gift? Something in the way of a sober treat that's for sure. So I got a coffee and sat a while watching the boats gently swaying in the crisp air.
I only sat for a few minutes as I sipped my hot drink, but, often or not I'll scurry back into the chores of my life, needing to 'get on'. When, actually sitting for a while reflecting, helps me to listen to myself. As the boats rigs (?) gently clink way in the breeze, a calmness comes over me. I feel rested.  How is it that five minutes is sometimes all we need to reset?
This week I was expecting a friend to stay as I took myself out to this beach she was about an hour away. Her room is ready, barely cold from her  last visit. I was nervous, I'd nearly drank last time. I'm anxious and a bit stressed. I stomped along on this beach, dogs under foot and had a good talk to myself, trying to turn a few things on their head, upside down, thinking differently.
I also wrote my number, well why not. 
Sand is perfect playground for sober people who want to write their number.  There will be beaches around Scotland dotted with random numbers, from sober souls celebrating quietly their steady sober days.  

My sober treat on Thursday was to take time to walk and then sit with an early lunch, before my friend arrived, I took time to sit in a cafe and treat myself to some food. I had a busy day ahead and my friend arriving later, so a bit of time to just enjoy some me time. Some sober time, quietly. Although I did eavesdrop on the family beside me and it got me thinking a lot about my own kids, and our relationship. My paranoia constantly bastes me for drinking when they were living at home. How much have I damaged them? Its incredible the power of paranoia. It was nice to let go of a bit of that this week. I experienced real gratitude at letting go of some of it.
Over the hills to home.
After lunch I drove home inland to gather some supplies and for once I took the route over the hills to home, rather than the coast. I took a different route with different views. All paths lead to our future, its up to us which route we'll take. For now, I choose the sober road.  And, here and right now, its very bonnie, still, calm and still leads home. And whilst its often bleak and cold outside, there's cheer and brightness at home. 

My friend arrived, although anxious, she came wine free. Our friendship is a bit rocky at the moment, but I'm hopeful if she's beginning to listen to me, perhaps we can find a way forward together. This week we're off on holiday, a party of five. One sober girl, one drinker, one moderate occasional drinker and two teenagers, not fussed by alcohol. We'll see what this journey brings. I've my sober treats packed, bubble bath, scented candle, my new fountain pen and a new sober journal to write in. Podcasts, and treats. I'm about to take self-care and sober self love to the alps.

Truth be told I'm a bit nervous I'll be tempted. But, right now, I'd rather be sober than sloshed. Right now, I'm happier here, with the self-care and the lack of paranoia. Clear headed.

Remind me I said that! Have a great week, I'm hoping we will too. Not sure if I'll manage to post or not, but I hope you all have a great week! I've scheduled this to pop up when I'm checking in tomorrow. Lets hope everything goes to plan! 

Sober girl, signing out. Big hugs and much love

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