Day 48 - Just say no

Just say no.....

Its late so I'll keep this short. Today's been a nice reflective day. I actually took a whole day off. I only looked at my work emails once, at 6pm. I've worked physically hard, looked after myself and made real headway in the garden. I walked the dogs and collected wood on the shore. And, I didn't give myself a hard time, I just enjoyed having a day to myself. Doing what I wanted to do. Sometimes its about giving yourself permission to enjoy life. If you know what I mean.

Right now, the past week I've seen a shift from desperately wanting wine to acknowledging that life without wine is different. I can truthfully say right now, I'm happier without it. I can truthfully say for now I don't miss it. Not today. I'm calmer without it.

I think going to the SMART sessions are helping me to make my sober journey more 'real'. I'm doing these actions in the neighbouring town to where I live. So now when I drive to the town, I'm thinking of the building where I do my sessions. Its my 'Sober Town'. 

I'm listening to Belle's podcasts throughout the day, and I seem to have slipped into a routine of listening to 'sober stuff' in the bath. Sorry podcasters, I hope you shut your eyes when you're talking!

I'm writing in my sober diary, here.

I'm reading sober blogs, everyday, for a while. I get testy if I don't. Thank you all so many of you made me laugh today and Happy 30 days to Bea!

I'm taking care of me. That's a first. Taking care of my sober life.

So when my friend checks again today if she can send wine up for the Xmas holidays to my home this weekend as there's an offer online and it will be easier, (for her), and its a bargain of course. Now, I'm glad I missed her call, I love her but she's not helping me move forward, The old me would have said yes drank most of the wine felt like shit and replaced it. NOT a bargain then, not a bargain now. I'll have to send her a message just like Mrs D suggested, sooner rather than later. And tell her nicely, no you can't send wine here early.

I don't want it in the house.

I don't want it in the shed.

Its NOT a bargain, its booze. Its expensive piss, its a headache, its gut rot. A bargain it is not.

I just don't want it here at all if I'm honest, so they can leave bringing it until they arrive in a months time. ARGH.

I want to scream, this is a sober house, I'm in my sober bubble. Are you trying to just test me. Because I know that the wine will sing to me from its box, regardless of where it is, if its near, I'll hear it. Like a bad pop song, it will turn into an ear worm, that I won't get rid of. We all know it will.

Dear Wolfie if this is a test, then its not funny. I don't need to stress about Xmas and the holidays in fecking November, nor my friendship.

I know this feels like a re-run of the other day, but, erm no sorry. This is a re-run of the other day when I said, no I'd really rather you didn't.

I found that piece of beach pottery a couple days ago. I realise it might have said ON but for me it said NO. NO is a good word for now. I need to set some boundaries with myself and others if this is going to work.

I might actually get it framed. I fear that word might need used a lot soon.

Sober mum, helping out the manchild and uni stresses.

Sober wife, digging up the garden with gusto. Photos to follow.

Sober girl, grateful for finding such support out there. Thank you all.