Day 56 - My Sober Week

Loch Leven at dusk.

Eight weeks today I gave up the booze (again after so so so so so many day 1's) and this time, touch wood, I've got to 56 whole days today. Whoop whooop. I'm trying to learn to see my life a bit differently by taking a photo or two each day to look back on and remind myself of the small things I can/should be grateful for. So this is my sober week. 

So it started lunch out and dusky walks by loch sides, nattering with chums started my week. That was nice. I'm new to this area so more exploring required. Its been a funny week of bursts of activities with far away friends when they're free and lots of down time, due to bad weather, an unenthusiastic heart and tired bones. I started therapy this week, its knocked me for six. All those kind words of perhaps too much too soon, I think you might be right. 

Beautiful sparkly trees.

A trip to the city in the late afternoon, the sun goes down and the city lights up. Whilst I have to admit I really wasn't looking forward to spending time, a/in the city and b/with a chum I find tricky, it was a nice day. What's the phrase you folks have been using? I leant into it. 

The capital gearing up for Xmas, for every one fun stand, a booze stand keeps it company.

Sometimes a change of scene helps put other things into perspective. Normally by this time I'd have been drinking, cosy in my little drinking nest. I'm noticing I'm getting out more, (grumpily) but I am, and often in the early evening when I'd refuse to normally.

A harbour where I use to play as a kid on boats.

My husband returns and we stroll hand in hand along the beach. This is a special place for me. My haven, my port in so many storms. I always come here when I need to think, to grieve, to express joy. So many summers spent here, on boats, on beaches with my grandparents. Its the one consistent place from my childhood in a life with lots of moving. My grandparents, sadly now gone, my rocks, always here. I use my grandma's name for this journey. I know she'd never mind me hiding behind her skirts, peeking out, safe from the world.

My companion walking along the wall towards me, joining me on my journey.

I remind myself its a long road, but there are friends guiding me. OK so this friend is furry, likes bones and doesn't really mind if I'm grumpy, sleepy, sad, dozy, He's always glad to just see me and keep me company on my journey. So many friends I feel I've made so far on this journey out in sober lands (thank you all). So many people who understand. So, whilst I'm alone here, I know I'm not alone on my sober journey. That's so helpful, so encouraging, knowing you're we're all out there. Thank you.

Calm seas, birds calling, a few walkers on the beach, a good place to think.

The week of beaches continue, although the storms start late in the week. One day calm, the next rolling, grey, dark, moody. Less than 24 hours between these photos. Churned up rolling seas after calm. 

Rolling waves, crashing seas, quite a different view from the day before.

Not unlike this journey. Full of ups and downs, surprises and challenges. I found my number yesterday on the beach. I've lived here for 5 months now and never seen this graffiti although its probably been there for weeks, maybe years. Yesterday I saw my number, 55 days sober. So I stopped to admire it, what a bonnie number.

My number on the beach, this made me giggle.

I'd say its a sign, but you know, I'm not sure I believe in that stuff. A good week, hard in places, therapy left me feeling ripped open.  I've slunk into self-preservaton mode a bit the end of this week. I'm back in bed after my husband leaves. Although I eat a hearty breakfast that's for sure. I'm reading, I'm reading more. Finding more sober blogs, looking after myself. Trying new things to see what works. Being easy on myself as I don't know what else to do. 

New to breakfast, I'm concocting various things to go on breakfast bagels!

 My biggest challenge this week is avoiding the rain, not letting the grey dreich weather and landscape ooze into my bones and leave me feeling emotionally emptier than I do already.  But, I tell myself, empty is better than defeated. Surely you can't start to build a proper new life, without clearing out all the crap that sank you before? Some days a walk with the dogs, an appointment out for an hour is all I can do.

So I fill up the fuel tanks of my physical body, I rest it and I care for it. (Did I mention I'm very shiny and clean from all those baths?) Its all I can do, I know I'm not alone. I feel drained and empty but there's not a hangover in there too. That's a good thing.

Not a bad week, therapy knocked me for six, perhaps ramping that down a bit might be the kindest thing to do. I'm OK if the journey is slow, really I am. Its just backwards I'm trying to avoid.

I hope your week was good! I find looking back over pictures on my wee phone and thinking about my week helps me to focus on the small things, which I really should be grateful for along this journey. Like beaches and bagels and happy hounds who keep me company, not minding if we walk or sleep.

Have a great weekend and week ahead, I hope you find lots to make you smile this week and to be grateful for, in the small stuff. Why not take some photos to remind yourself of your journey? xx