Day 50 - Keep calm and abandon ship.

Now, hoping you're well today. Almost 12 hours between posts, you'd almost think I was obsessive or something. My sober diary here is helping me enormously so I'm glad I started it. So, its DAY 50, can you hear the pride? Its making me all warm and fuzzy inside. Like really. I'd never thought I'd be so proud, I've been rolling around in 'meh-ness' in my head. Telling myself not-drinking didn't deserve praise or joy (for me, not any of you lovely folks out there being sober) Right now I'm wondering if that was the sneak of the week Wolfie? Has he been telling me that its no biggie not to drink? Has he been the one lolling on the chair like a sulky teenager saying 'so what, so what, so what....?' is 'normal people don't make a fuss of this, they don't think not drinking is a good idea'. Well Wolfie if that was you, now I'm officially angry. This feeling that this is a big deal has been creeping up on me for a day or so now.

Happy [insert your number here] Day to you!! Happy 50th Day to me, hooray there I said it. [Happy 50th to AEG too, my sober twin!!]

So for my big 5-0 I'd decided that there was an Abba tribute band locally and my treat was to get a ticket to see it. OK so I don't know many folks around and those I did know were busy so I thought sod it, I'm going.  And, in the back of my head I had the voice saying, 'you can always leave, that's OK'.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Not the night I'd planned at all.

Well I got into an almost empty hall, at 8pm (thinking it started at 8pm that's what the ticket said). Fizzy wine at the door, side stepped that, I'm driving so that's not a big deal. When I'm rational, I don't drink and drive. Lets just leave it there. And plonked myself down at a large table, in a cavernous hall, with a huge 'kitty' (big pot of drinks money) getting assembled at the table next to me. 'Is £30 enough?' 'That'll do the now' There were 6 of them, so that's (using fingers and toes here) £180 quid in a pint glass on the table. Now I'm not being judgmental here, at all but in the 3/4 of an hour whilst I sat sipping my juice, they got 3 rounds in. A round every 15 minutes. Wowser. Would I have been the same, probably.

Am I super sensitive to alcohol now, no I don't think so. But, it seemed a lot so maybe I am. All of a sudden the hall filled a bit more with quite loud folks. I'm guessing a few beers, that's OK, they're on the other side of the room. 

And then a group of gals plonked themselves by me 'nelly-no-mates' and said hello. They were a bit wobbly, a bit merry and quite chatty.  I can do chit chat, I don't find it comfy but I can do it. I had this strange notion that the place would be smaller, cosy and I'd stand at the back watching the band feeling the love and singing along. It wasn't really like that. But, maybe that was sober me just feeling a bit out of sorts being out on my own. 

The band started, great vocals and banter. And then the dragging up started. Now, I'm OK with limited audience participation, as long as its not too near me. I'm not a 'part-ic-patory' kind of a gal. One of the singers got some of the louder lasses up, much bouncing and dancing, quite sweet really.

Then the dragging up into a big circle began. Then the hand holding began. Drunken hand holding.

Now I'm really not very good with drunk folks. I can hear the irony here. But, I'm not a touchy, feely, handy-holdy kinda gal. In fact I hate it unless its with folks I know and trust and like.

I'm all for enjoying myself but strangers wrenching my arms into the air and trying to hug me, not so good at. The band were good, but not great and the 'audience part-ic-ipatory' stuff seemed to be part of the act.

Brain saying 'abandon ship, abandon ship' - small voice saying 'aw man this is our 50 day treat'. The voices were'nt wrong, neither of them. But, hey you can't win them all. Going to a band for a treat, was a great idea, this WASN'T with bells on.

Jacket, retreat, home via shop, I bought almonds and yoghurt and noodles. Don't ask me why. Is this rescue food?  All I know is that its 9.49 and normally I'd be running at breakneck speed towards the wine aisle before it shut. Not today.

HOME! Home is safe and cosy and people don't want to hold your hand. EUW. I know I'm being a bit silly here but I tried, it didn't work. At least I tried. And, I knew when to leave, still not good with drunk folks, and hand holding with strangers. Never have been, probably never will be. And, man do they talk shite over and over again.  I probably use to too.

So on with the fire at 10pm, hot chocolate almonds in a pretty bowl, 'Mamma Mia' on DVD.  Safe, cosy Abba fix. Fab. No hand holding. Phew.

Happy 50th to me. What a waste of a ticket, but at least I tried eh? I'm not sure I'll do that again!

You live and learn. And, its OK. Its OK to just leave. Go. Vamoose. Skidaddle. Drive off at speed (under the speed limit obviously) and go home.  Abandon ship. Its your sober get of of jail free card.

That's OK. Belle said a while back, can't remember which podcast, that its OK to leave when you're out and other folks aren't sober and you just want to go home. And, it is.

I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.