Day 36 - The attack of the wine-snatchers

Firstly thanks so much for popping by, you really do make a difference, whilst I'm use to speaking to an empty room. Its always nice to know someone's around, reading. Even if you're thinking, just get on with it lady!

So part of this sober malarkey I'm learning seems to be that you do your own life, but just 'slightly' differently to keep yourself off the booze. So as part of this I've been having SO MANY sober baths. Like a billion. OK, maybe possibly around once a day I dive into the bath. Usually around wine-o-clock. The bath is a safe place for me, I never have understood drinking in the bath. I never have. Mind you I've never understood bathe-ing in the evenings, never, as it use to interfere with my wine time. Nothing interferes with wine-time.

Normally (and I'm reminding myself that 'sober' isn't normal for me) I hot foot it to the wine early evening and switch off the rest of my life. And, after that first glass, nothing can wrench my hand off the glass or my focus from the bottle, so my evenings never involved having a bath. Mostly, it didn't involved getting undressed either, as I slumped into the sofa and snoozed my life away every night. So I was always a 'shower in the morning' with a hangover kinda gal. I needed to be, I needed to mask the smell of wine I guess without a morning shower I might have reeked of Merlot. 

Anyway that was the old routine and this bathing in the evening thing, is the new SOBER routine. So each night off I pop with my scrubby, my favourite candle and I just relax. I wait out the wine-singing that overcomes my lugs. I fill them full of soap and I rest and I scrub. Let me tell you I'm like a shiny wee pin at the moment.  I don't think I've ever been so clean, or my hair so well looked after. I've long hair so a bath is also a 'barrier' to leaving the house and buying wine, I don't own a hairdryer. A soggy mop of hair in the dreich Scottish climate isn't fun to go out with, even for wine.

Now, let me tell you, I'll get back to the point, I'm naturally chubby, I'm a wee thing too. But, when did the wine-snatchers come along and steal my body? Even in flickery-romantic-ambient candle light glow of my sober bath, there's no denying I'm a paunchy wee thing now. I look, if I'm honest 4-5 months pregnant. I took a test, I'm not. No amount of sucking my stomach in helped. The scales revealed an extra 2 stone from my 'normal' weight. They say you put on weight when you get older, but this is belly-booze-fat my middle has expanded. And some. I'm almost as wide as I am tall now. Like, really. I fear for doorways.

My bottom lip (on my face, not the lip of my ever increasing arse) started to wobble. I'm' crying a lot at the moment, I'm getting use to that. But, when did I stop caring about me? At what point did I sit on that sofa drinking wine, stuffing snacks in to prepare for the next glassful, when did I just say 'Fuck it, I don't care'.  When did I let the wine-snatchers take so much from my daily life, and give me back a sore head and oodles of belly flubber?

I hate the wine-snatchers, they stole my money, my time and I've finally notice, my body and left me with a booze-belly for good measure. I'm a natural 'apple' shape, right now I look like an overstuffed baked apple, bursting out the sides. My BMI is 26.8, last year is was 23.7 the year before less than that. I'm slowly expanding. I'd heard that wine puts the beef on, but man, its quick. Or maybe it just seems quick as I drank my days away.

I guess, changing the routine has helped to open my eyes, as well as keeping me off the booze. I'm grateful for that and all the folks who suggested I shook things up.

Fear not dear hearts, I'm not about to start a crash diet and put myself under any more stress than I can handle at the moment. I'm taking each day as I can, I know its all I can do. But, I think its about time I started to look after myself a bit better. Somewhere down the bottle I lost sight of myself and let the wine-snatchers take so much more than just my time and money. As long as I didn't stink of booze in the mornings at work I never use to care. I never cared about me, never really have for as long as I can remember.

If I learn anything about being sober, its that I need to take care of me. That's my job.

That one came as a bit of a shock. As did the calories in wine (600-750 a bottle)  and beer. Yikes.

I need to take care of me. I need to remember that. Only my sober head hears that. The wine-snatchers can bugger off, I need my body back.

And, for today my sober day....

Sober girl - long walk with the dogs on the beach, no hangover. I designed my garden today.
Sober wife - we had a 'date' on Friday night. We went to the cinema, no pouting from me for my routine being disrupted. Food after, no wine, no need for it. Nice.
Sober mum - proof read an assessment for the man-child and arranged to drop daughters car off. I'm engaged.

I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.