|My friend brought me roses. For once they opened instead of sulking in the vase.|
You know I've been wondering and berating myself for not stopping [drinking] sooner and not dealing with this stuff, these emotions, this junk sooner. I'm an idiot for drinking so long I yell at myself. I'm good at yelling, its in my genetic make up to be LOUD.
Right now, today, right here, I realise why its now and not then.
I needed time and space to do it. Its crazy and emotional and huge. And, scary. I couldn't do it before. I don't know if I can now, but I'm trying. My life had to move on from crazy wonderful lovely [my own] family to now. To the empty rooms, to the new life.
I've been holding everything well tight together with sticky tape and crossed fingers and glitter for years. Hoping no-one would find out. That's worked, but only for then. But, they're gone now and they're happy enough, growing up alone and happy.
I don't actually want to drink [well not today].
Now, I need and want something different.
And, I need time and space emotionally and I need to be heard and be told its OK now.
Me, the Queen of huge smiles and laughing lovingly saying 'its all going to be fine, don't worry, I'm here for you'.
Who knew, I probably needed to be there for me too. I can now.
Gold star big tick.
PS, I knew I could write a smaller post! Ha.
I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.