Thursday, 27 November 2014

Day 54 - Bloody sober treats

Big fluffy sober treats.
So I'm taking the good wonderful sober advice out there and upping the tools of my sober self to include sober treats, often and liberally applying them. Recondition the brain from seeing wine as a reward, to treating myself nicely, getting a small reward/boost for my sober days. Sounds like a sensible enough plan.

Or I'm trying to.

I'm new to this treats malarkey, whilst its fun and novel and I think it helps, I seem, as always to have taken the thing way seriously.

I'm 'sober-treating' with gusto. Nothing too fancy, but I think about what I'd like to have as a treat for not drinking and I go and make it happen. This is new for me, whilst I'm very likely to find you 'just the thing I know you'd love', I'm not so good at this myself.

I'd rather decided today I was taking it all a bit too seriously when I'd been in the SIXTH shop trying to find an avocado. I was getting overwhelmed about a bloody giant green fruit (not a vegetable) and its technically a berry not a pear, but beleive me on that one. I can argue for hours on what's a fruit and whats not. It sends kids screaming for cover in all directions. I wanted a juicy, large green fruity-not-a-vegetable berry which is great with a dash of Worscester sauce and a dollop of tabasco, apply teaspoon. YUM.

I wanted an avocado, just one, that's all I wanted. We're both clear on this now, right? I thought to myself, no one else likes them. I'll get one, maybe two for me. They're yummy. But, its my treat.

When you start 'internet trawling' to find out which store might have them you know you've kind of hit ridiculus. Bloody sober treats, do they need to be THIS hard.

My angst was getting the better of me. It was like an avocado induced frenzy in the end. I still haven't managed to find one. NOT EVEN ONE.  Maybe avocados are now extinct? I guess I missed that on the local news? Maybe its just in Scotland. Oh crap.

So I returned home today with a big fluffy towel. Not a fruit, not a vegetable, not anything else edible. A towel. My brain confuses even me. How did I get from avocado to towel.

My thoughts were..... 

Well if I can't have a goddam avocado, I'll have a big pink (who knows why) fluffy towel, my sober towel. I'm in the bath a lot early evening and have my podcast, my bubbles and my bath like a super-sober-regime. So a big fluffy new towel sounded like a cool plan. Why pink, I've no idea I'm not a girly girl by any stretch of the imagination. But I wanted pink. So I step into the rainbow towel aisle of my local big superstore.

So which was the ONLY colour on the shelf they didn't have, pink. So I face a choice, think up ANOTHER sober treat or buy a towel of a different colour. 

I'm not the most patient shopper, so a steely granite grey towel of epic fluffy magnitude was thrust forthright at the unmanned till. No where near PINK, very elegant grey. Just like the one at the top, its beautiful.

A perfect sober treat.

Muttering to myself (It's not an avocado, but it will do, its lovely, purr purr, its so soft) I learnt two things about myself today. I'm quite strict with my interpretation of tasks when set by other folks. Or even by myself. I need to lighten up more and go with the flow. Avocado, towel, book, candle, fruit, fluffy whatever. Sober treats are treats. You can allow yourself to be flexible with the idea of them. Unlike last week when I threw a strop with myself because I couldn't find exactly the colour/species of lily I wanted to have. Seriously does it matter? A bit but not enough to not do it. Less control required. Will anyone die if the treats are not 'just so'. NO. Is it better to treat yourself than go without cos you can't find exactly what you want. YES. 

[As I type this my inner control freak is certainly not pleased with that outcome. Neither I suspect is Wolfie who loves it when we just don't/can't take care of ourselves. AKA 'if that's the not the treat you want then that sucks big time, stupid idea treats, get something else get something you'd like. We know you like wine, get some wine.'] Is Wolfie trying to steal my treats and my sober?

Secondly, I'm not seeing wine as a treat. SHHHH. I'm just whispering it. I'll say it quietly. I'm not seeing wine as a treat. Not today.

Like not really at all. Not wine, wine is not a treat. For now, its to be treated (pardon the pun) like plutonium or kryptonite. I don't trust the stuff. Whatever you do, don't tell Wolfie. Infact I've started calling it - 'head-fuck-juice'. Add a skull and crossbones logo, and we're done with that for now. Toxic stuff. Handle with care, infact, just don't handle. Not today. 

Much safer with a wrong colour (yet epically fluffy) towel, that should have been an overly ripe perfect for eating, avocado. Treats is treats, I remind myself. Apply often, apply frequently, go with the flow, as long as you get one.

Much safer, neither of them can be poured on my head, neither of them make me feel like shit.

Now, if I'd found an avocado towel, like this one. Well that would have been super cool.  Still no need for a spoon though huh?

I guess I should write a sober treats list and just pick them off one by one, as and when they appear, rather than hunting them into extinction. Until then, you might find me under a mountain of big fluffy towels. Just don't tell Wolfie. Shh.

Lighten up on what the treats are though sober lady!


  1. You so make me chuckle lady :) Towel sounds lovely - now I want one! I've been drawn to pink recently too despite my perceived tom boy status. I think my girlieness is flourishing without the booze muzzle - maybe yours is too? ;) xx

    1. Seriously the pink thing what's that all about.

      I own several axes (work not mad axe woman) and chainsaws, pink doesn't quite fit. Road testing towel today.......:)

      Booze muzzle love it.

  2. Head fuck juice! Towels for avocados! You may have created a new design idea with the avocado towel. I agree you should probably make a list of treats and pick them off like you said. Isnt it strange the things that run thru our heads when the head fuck juice is gone? ;) Lori K. xx

    1. I think it might make the whole shopping experience less painful! HFJ is not on that list that's for sure! enjoy your weekend!

  3. Ha! I love the idea of you frantically trying to hunt down an avocado! 10/10 for determination on the sober treats front! Glad you got a fluffy towel in the end - that is definitely getting added to my sober treat list :) xx

    1. Nice to see you Josie, loved the iceland carrots! :) Sober treats are amazing. x I'm glad i finally got it.