Tuesday, 30 December 2014

My sober week (late, blame the visitors, I do)

Please note this post contains probably more prolific swearing than your ears might wish to hear so if it offends then please pop by tomorrow when its out of my system. Hugs x
So once a week, when I get one minute to myself (here starts the bitching) I like to reflect on my week and think about what I've done, where I've come from, what I've learnt and where I am this week. So here goes. Xmas kinda came and went we had a houseful of visitors and my BF's kids. Whilst I enjoyed the kids, my husband and the dogs, the other visiting adults, I have to say were inconsiderate drunken, planning on drinking, buying drinks, or hungover lazy MF bastards.
I consoled myself with lots of pretty twigs and wooden decorations and have found one of my sober treats appears to be setting fire to things. So I set myself a lovely fire before everyone arrived and enjoyed the peace before the onslaught. All very Scandinavian and festive. Please note all fires happen in real fireplaces, not in the middle of the kitchen table. Honest.
I managed to go out for a fair few walks, mostly with my friends kids because no one else could be arsed. Like even on Xmas day my best friend said, she was having the day off of her family. So I bundled me, husband and the kids and mutts off regularly for a few walks and good old chats whilst the others scoffed wine. I'm not bitter about the drinking. I'd kinda hoped to spend some time with my best friend, I was very sad she didn't come and share our walk. Sometimes I don't understand folks. And, I'm sorry if I sound moany. However, having time with her kids was utterly awesome as I miss my own, so for a while I guess I played mother to two spectacular girls. I'm so grateful for that.
The dogs chased squirrels and birds and without a hope of catching anything they enjoyed the fresh air, we all did. Xmas day dinner was chicken. Not turkey, so the girls in the garden were not happy. Fear not we didn't eat them, they are not those kind of chickens but they rewarded me with 2 eggs on xmas day so they got extra treats. I'm glad I've got space to have them and their company is comedic. 
We were blessed with lots of walks and sunshine and being the only folks in our house, who could actually legally drive this festive break, we took advantage of the days and got out regularly.  Their loss. Everyday folks started drinking in the morning. If I'd done Belle's advice of going to bed after folks were on their third drink, I'd have been in bed by 1.25 pm most days. I know its xmas but even so. I am grateful I'm sober and no longer relying on my poor husband to do all the driving.
The sun's still up and down quickly here so the light changes the views by the second. The view from our local beer garden/outdoor cafe, pub closed, the quiet was breathtaking. Although there were lots of folks stomping off their Xmas dinner so we shouted lots of merry xmases. I'm so grateful we live in a bonnie place. I'm a bit ashamed to say our visitors ONLY saw the wine aisle in the local supermarket when they ran out.  Their loss. I really enjoyed the time with their girls. And I bought not a drop of wine or any other spirit this xmas. That's a first for me. We'd warned them. 
I'm grateful that for once I made a pudding at xmas that I like. I made trifle, with dream topping and hundreds and thousands and ate 9/10ths of it. Yes I have a food baby now. But it was worth it. Our dinner was nice, we had an apple fizzy toast on our table and told our guests to bring their own wine if they wanted it. So they did. We banned spirits. Too much of a trigger for me, I love gin. So none was allowed over the threshold. I'd mentioned banning wine too but was met with considerable resistance. This time, we found a compromise, no spirits. Next time I think we might be a sober house. I'm pondering that one.
Lots and lots and lots of yummy non-alc drinks were consumed. And the last bottle of home made elderflower cordial was taken from its hiding place last June and presented to my husband for his present. He was in heaven. Clever me to have thought to save him some, such a taste of summer. In return I got a boiler suit. Its all I asked for so I was too in heaven. I'm grateful my husband gets my daft ways.
I did have a bit of a tantrum during the holidays. I have to confess. I'd saved my last glassful in my last bottle of my lovely mulled punch to have by the fire having walked my friends kids all day. When I returned to find the last of it drunk by my guests before they started on the 'proper stuff' I have to say, I had a melt down. Privately obviously I am after all British. As the nearest bottle to replace it was 18 miles away, I was a little 'vexed' to say the least. He was lucky it was dark and my wood axe was in the shed. (Honestly I'm more vindictive than violent).
So being a thoughtful sort, I accidentally poured a rather splendid looking 1/2 full bottle of very expensive red wine doon the sink when everyone else was 'relaxing' in front of the fire. Whoops. I told them I thought it was cooking wine and added it to next weeks roast lamb prep. And served up, cold cuts, cheese and biscuits for tea (without the wine) as we all know revenge is a dish best served cold. When asked where the last of the wine was in the larder, I shrugged and said sorry you must have drunk it. Not that I'm bitter or anything. But I certainly didn't nor did I offer to get more at gone 9pm, so that was that, I told them I was too tired to drive and snuck off for a lovely and my only sober bath of the holidays.
So, lots of days of walking, limited time to myself, but lots of time with the kids. And lots of time with the mutts and lots of exploring for some of us. 
Wild Haggis in action.
Unfortunately for me, my temper is rather close to the surface at the moment, so I'm trying to walk that off and try to be more mindful and thoughtful. It was only last year that our new year was like this for my other half. A house full of drinkers and only him able to drive.  My friendships have me a bit confused and thoughtful. I'm not quite sure if my BF and I can weather this one. I might have to have a sober house and see if she decides to accept my change. I know that's a lot for her. I understand her stresses and pain, but I can't go back myself. Its making me sad for me and sad for her kids. She's back up in two weeks. Then she's coming on skiing holiday with us in January (without kids), I need to think about how we move forward. We've talked about trying to doing DryJanuary together, but she wants to take the holiday week off!!!!!!!!! None of us will be drinking on our trip, we've two youngsters with us too. Man, there's a conversation there to be had isn't there. I know its not my issue but I'm not having alcohol in our chalet over the holiday. No way.

Anyway, back to December!!! We finished their trip by a trip to the local chrstmas market. The local city has a huge continental style market over the holidays so we (hubby and I) took the kids for a day trip.
Needless to say, all I was interested in was the food. I'd finished the trifle by then. And whilst I love a mulled wine, I prefer my mulled punch. Thanks to Lucy for introducing it to me.
So that was Xmas. Lots of walking, eating and drinking. Lots of chats with teenage girls, some skype conversations with my own kids, some very cool presents and lots of activities. Some tantrums, some tears, but lots of love. Sober Xmas, done. Even if there were tantrums. Right now I can be very grateful for that. And, all the support I've been given from you all. I thank you so much for that.

Sorry my post is late but I hope you're all good. Hugs and more from me later.
And if I don't see you before, Happy 2015.

PS We've pinky-sweared that we're never ever doing Xmas like this again. Like ever.


  1. Daisy, your Xmas post was fanatstic. :) I know it was hard for you, but you had Christmas filled with stuff that was atually worthwhile, while the drunken adults have come away with nothing but a hangover and a sense of having wasted an opportunity. I know what I would rather.

    I am sorry though about your frustration and anger..... i guess relationships do change.... if the default setting for spending time together is consuming wine, then that has to change.

    i have a little boy who is my world. I NEVER want to say I am taking time off my family for Christmas. Your blog post has served only to strengthen my resolve.

    Hope your NY is better. xxxxx

    1. Hey there thank you. I never ever get the chance to have Xmas with my own children. Their father lives so far away, it only seems fair that he sees them over the holidays, So I just don't get this whole I'm having the day of lark, but then again maybe its because I get too many days off. The drunken adults were a pain in the arse if I'm honest. Arguing or gushy. Bleurgh.

      I think when you drink, you often seek out fellow souls who'll stay up late with you and drink away. Its finding something new that i need to fathom.

      She's due again very soon, I've suggested she bring her daughters, she's hesitant (its me time she told me). I told her, for me, its nice to share time with them too.

      We'll see.

      NY was quieter, I needed it!! xx

      Thanks for replying!

  2. Good on you! Stick to your resolve about that holiday -- again and again I've found that friends resist the idea of being somewhere with no alcohol, moan a bit in the evenings and at the end of the break say it has been the best holiday ever. I've also found the quality, humour and cerebral content of conversations improves 100%!

    1. We'll see what happens our party is one of 5, with 4 non-drinkers. The boys might have one drink after skiing but that's it normally. I do like a vin chaude (hot wine) but I'll find an alternative I'm sure.


      Lets hope you're right :) x

  3. Hi Daisy,
    I would have loved to have been on those walks with you with my sweet Corgi.Lovely post, lovely you.

    Happy New Year. I am so glad we are in this together:)


    1. KT my two cairns would have loved it I'm sure. They're both always happy for a walk.

      Hugs to you and happy new year too. x

  4. A lovely post, as always :) As I was reading, I kept thinking how beneficial it was for the kids that you were present and sober for them. It's important they learn that one doesn't have to drink to have fun. And I bet your guests are nursing some awful hangovers now! I'd rather be around the kids and the animals anyway. Lori K xx

    1. Lori the kids and the dogs were hilarious. The adults, not so much. Mostly snippy in the mornings I'm guessing hangovers.........


  5. Hi there! I figured out how to comment on my phone,yay. Awesomw post. Thanks ans hny

    1. Aw well done to you and your phone, there's been issues with comments and I'm not sure how to fix it!

      You're so kind, as always me dear. xxx

  6. You manage to make it so funny, but it is not!!! And I love your firm stance, just love it! A year of some upheavals is unfolding already for so many. Time with the children was such a great option, they will never forget it.
    And I will never forget the lovely sweet revenge pouring & the shrug, in the cooking, shrug, none left - Ah, made my night. But such sadness too. Has made me very happy that my great friend, here for a couple of weeks, just stopped after the earthquakes & relocating. Realised all by herself it was no good for her life, coping, family, hopeless sad relationship - all reasons to indulge more, but no. Make the snow holiday YOURS!!!! <3 <3

    1. No kate I guess some of it wasn't. I love kids. Just love them so it was nice to blether to them lots.

      I tell you if anyone touches my cordial again, they're for the chop. I'm bad at having a hot head. But i'm glad I did it.

      Oh I'm so glad your friend has stopped too, how awesome!

      I hope she finds peace and fun in her new life.