Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Day 16 - The sober anniversary

When we decided to get married, I cut down drinking for a bit, it certainly helped me lose some weight quicker than if I hadn't been drinking. There were comments of course, how did you do it? Stopped the booze for a bit. Well reduced it anyway. So off we went back to the lovely autumnal forest yesterday where we said those special words in front of friends and family. No hangover, sleepy and tired, but no hangover. Nice memories and nice to share them without wondering if I stink of booze. A benefit, there's a benefit I tell myself. I don't stink of booze, or soap rubbed over my skin to mask the smell.

We then headed to the city for a meal, a catch up with the uni-girl. I never drink at dinner, (rarely) so jasmine tea was lovely. I've been trying to change my routine, so usually an early evening in the city would be resented as it encroaches on drinking time. Like I said I'm trying to change my routine. Whilst my head knew it was time for wine, my body was in a restaurant in Edinburgh, needing to drive afterwards I was with my daughter. This was deliberate, Normally I'd do this type of thing in daytime,. We had a car to pick up to take to the garage for her, so I arranged it for tea/night time. Parenting takes no heed of romantic anniversary dinners to be had, or maybe this was self-sabotage, no romantic dinner, no need of wine before or after, as I have to drive. Driving out of Edinburgh late 9pm, it suddenly struck me why was I looking at the shops and at the time. I was doing a mental calculation of the journey time to get home and what time the little stores closed for me to buy wine.

My sub-conscious head was looking for wine and planning how to get some before I got to our destination, as it would be after 10pm and too late to buy any. A cracking day, a visit with the daughter and still my head is shopping for wine. And, I have my purse with me.

Will it ever stop?

Sober wife, happy anniversary husband, I'm 17 days sober and you've no idea how hard I've been trying, but I'm trying for us all.
Sober girl - driving late, who knew that was possible? And no stopping for wine/milk/whatever the excuse to stop for wine. A first.
Sober mum, nice to see the changes in my daughter even if she doesn't understand or want to know how much I miss her. She's happy and I'm glad.

OK so I'm sad and I miss her, but drinking won't change that.

I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.

4 comments:

  1. Good planning. Very good.
    It is hard. And those thoughts do continue on. Sometimes at strange times.
    Happy anniversary. You are doing a great thing here!

    Anne

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    1. I know wine was a regular daily visitor in my life, I'd no idea how much it dominated everything. This distraction stuff is a 24 hour job! Thanks for being so kind. I'm so groany!

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Lucy it just feels like a slog. I'm sure one day, it might feel easier.......x

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