Friday, 10 October 2014

Day 5 - Family time

So yesterday I didn't drink, it was a crazy button pushing day, even by my chaotic standards was an unusual day, but it was good. We went to two cities in around two hours. And, I was not hungover and I was sober.

One of my 'triggers' got twanged yesterday. I had big plans, a trip to both cities to see my kids at uni (exciting!!) a fair bit of juggling to do to fit folks and a few friends in on the way. I live in the sticks, so when I venture out, I like to see folks. So, my plans were somewhat altered, when out of the blue dearest heart decides to take a half day and 'join me'. I love my husband I really do, hes great and spontaneous, but sometimes it feels like my life isn't my own and he decides unexpectedly to join in on something I've got planned and then everything then is on his terms. And, I tell you, that really twangs my bow.  I'm a planner but I'm also a people pleaser so of course, I was desperate to accommodate my husbands wish to join me for one of the trips.

Don't get me wrong, I'm lucky we found each other and having him join me to go visit one of my kids (in the city 80 miles away) to get something signed, was nice. However it meant my own plans/timescales/activities were totally screwed. OK so we had fun, but when met with someone taking an unexpected half day off, accommodating their agenda/needs/wishes puts me out of kilter. I'm a bit of a loan fish. Always have been and as a single parent for nearly 15 years, its just how I work. And, I'd had this trip planned, alone for two weeks. Not once did he mention joining me. 

So, I'm ungrateful. Well no, the day's activities were good. Although my day was impacted by having to get up into the attic and get out our ski gear, did I mention I'm a people pleaser and desperate to be loved?  Hubby decided if he was taking a day off to 'come with me' then if we went as far as the other city, there's an indoor ski place, so we might as well make the day a day out rather than just drive over for a coffee and a signature. OK so I can see the logic in this, but it meant I was frantically (unexpectedly) hunting in the 'never been into before' attic for our snow gear. I packed it, I had to then leave the dogs at home and walk them before I left rather than take them, as planned with me and go for a walk/cuppa with my son. It also meant I had to cancel a plan to see a friend, and cut short a quick morning cuppa with another chum as I was SO LATE. My plans were completely screwed, I leave late, having let a friend down, and stressed.

So, I saw my daughter as planned, (sober, no hangover, no 'can she smell wine on my skin') and had a quick cuppa with her at uni in one city when I dropped her some bits off from home. It was nice, our relationship right now is tricky, so it was good to be with her and just enjoy it, without the wine worry. Then rearranged my route/plans/day to go back and pick up my 'grumpy at having to wait for me to get out of the city' hubby. Don't get me wrong, we did have fun, but sometimes I think other peoples pressures on my time and changing my plans piss me off. Especially when you've only half an hour with someone and your partner keeps ringing to say he's finished, where are you and hurry up. Erm, I'm sorry but I'm in the city (as planned), I'm leaving in ten minutes (as planned) and I'll be with you, as soon as I can. Now, daughter dearest where were we.................

Normally I'd be sitting stressing thinking, F*** you, man I'm having a huge bottle of wine tonight. That'll show you. I've cancelled a friend, I'm not planning on getting 'really active today' I wanted a quiet cuppa with my daughter and some time with my son, I don't need to rush for you. This is MY time. I was stressed but thought to myself (in my unhangovered non-paranoid state) I'll be finished soon so you'll have to wait. And wait he did, he did not spontaneously combust because I couldn't 'please him immediately by arriving instantaneously'.

Now to be fair, whilst I'm quite 'outdoorsy', I'm quite lazy I'm a 46 year old mum. My hubby has introduced us to many things including some more crazy outdoor sports like skiing. Luckily there is an indoor slope about 2 hour drive from where we live, near my son. However, given the choice between sitting on my backside talking to my son for two hours or going skiing, I'll often take the sitting down. But, as I've been having trouble sleeping, I grudgingly thought (I've such an attitude, god sake how dare you make me have fun) anyway I grudgingly through, well at least I'll get tired if I go. So if I manage to not drink it might help me sleep.

So we ski'd for two hours. It suddenly struck me, I've no headache, I'm not grumpy doing this because I'm hungover. OK so that plans changed unexpectedly, but I'm having fun. I'm sober.

So I managed to see both kids, no hangover. We had some fun and some chat, no worrying about the smell of wine on my skin. 

Remarkably on the way home, as he wanted to stop for some juice, I didn't do my usual, 'I'll just get some milk too and some wine'.  I was right there, outside the shop at Wine O' Clock.  Normally I'd have any excuse to make sure that stop involved wine.

There was a niggly Wolfie voice saying, 'Your day was screwed up today, he changed all your plans. People always ask alot of you and you try your best to please everyone. Have a bottle of wine, you deserve it'. 

For once my other inner voice said. 'I'm lucky they want and need me, so go away'.

So they did screw up my original plans, but just to try and join me and have fun with me. And you know what, my dogs were fine, my friend and I rearranged our meet up and I got an extra half day with my husband, I saw both of my kids and drove right in the middle of the city (with no alcohol in my blood or leaving my blood, no hangover).

I also didn't plan my drinking early so I could do such a big drive the next day early.

Yesterday I was a sober mum, a sober wife and a (grumpy) but sober girl. 
(I also ski'd sober, with no hangover, for my first time ever. Skiing is not easy, so why do I think doing it with a hangover/with a drink is a good idea?)

Please excuse the swearing, my inner writing head has a foul mouth.

So we're on Day 6, the weekend is looming, I'm a bit scared but so glad I didn't cave in yesterday and think I deserve a drink, they make me do it by asking too much of me.

I'm a Mum, Wife, Friend - I'm lucky. I don't want to ruin that.

I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.

PS I'm going to try and write shorter - my waffling is unreal.


  1. Great stuff Daisy :) You told wolfie where to get off - good practice for the week-end when he can get quite loud!! xx

  2. I need ear defenders, why are weekends different when I drank every single day? And thanks for popping by.

  3. Because it's the week-end; TGIF and Saturday night syndrome. It perks him up!!