So October is nearly at a close, its one of my least favourite months as the clocks go back and the darkness seeps out of every corner into our lives here in the UK. I stopped drinking at the start of October, decided by Day 3 I could moderate, what was the big deal.
Oh dear girl, you're an idiot. So I've been sober since the wine escapade. But, its been hard. I'm thankful for anyone popping on here, thankful for really helpful sober blogger, sites, communities and all the 'you can do its'. I seriously never believed I could go almost a month without wine.
Not me, I have a wine radar and a kinda snorkel attachment which hoovers it up. Its not bonnie that's for sure.
So yesterday it took 1 minute and 26 seconds to call my local Drugs and Alcohol unit and ask to make an appointment. Its taken me a week to do this call from picking up the leaflet but I've been thinking of getting SOME help for a while now. I wasn't judged (I thought I would be), I wasn't met with that sooked in breath that makes you feel like shit. All I got was a request for some details and told I'll get some discreet mail soon and an appointment within 3 weeks. I didn't spontaneously combust. I don't have ALKIE tatoo'd on my forehead now. I just need to man up the sober tools I have and keep lobbing them at myself until some of these mad cravings pass. No clue which tools will work, so I'm throwing them all at myself by the bucket load. Aside a pack of sooperdooper multi-vits, my sober tool box has cost me nothing so far, aside a bit of time.
Is it getting easier, yes. Do I miss it, drinking wine, yes. It gets so ingrained into your routine, your coping strategies, your life that before you know it, its leading you, everyday.
So yesterday I also got an email out of the blue, that was nice, I walked the dogs at the beach instead of self-flagellating my lack of money to waste on things like petrol for walking. I told myself, no wine now, you can drive to the beach, you're still quids in. The sunshine warmed my face, the hounds had a hoot swimming in the sea and we talked to a few folks we passed. My head didn't hurt, it wasn't churning, it was a calm and relaxing stomp. With Octobers light being so limited, getting out in the daylight and the sunshine is such a bonus. I need to make more use of the precious daylight!
I'm filling my evenings with things I use to do during the day baths, reading, a bit of work. I'm considering keeping my work to 4-6ish as those are the times I hear the wine gong normally, when I'm absorbed in work, its a good distraction. Like I say trying anything that will work.
And on the subject of how much we all spend on wine Lucy has written a great article here.
Sober mum, pancake recipe required at gone 8pm, my kids know how to live but I was there for them, even if its just via skype.
Sober wife, a decent tea of fish and barley risotto consumed with gallons of water.
Sober girl, walk on the beach, submitted my tax return, popped my Dr's forms in the post and went for a walk. I took care of me yesterday.
I do waffle on, so thank you for getting this far! If you've something kind or helpful to add or just want to say hello. Please drop a line below. I'd appreciate that. Thank you.